Fun Food Friday - Pizza Hell
More like FML Food Friday!!!
Today, I decided to make the boys home made pizza’s for their dinner. From scratch. Dough and everything.
In my head it was going to be a lovely bonding experience for Dylan and I whilst Rudy was napping. We made these pizza’s back when I was pregnant with Rudy. The memory was calm and actually the only other word I can think of is... Sparkly? It made me feel domesticated. The memory I have created for myself today however is definitely nowhere near sparkly and not in the slightest bit domesticated…
We started making these pizza’s around 4pm. Knowing that the dough needed 45 mins to proof (only because I read it on the recipe) in between blah blah blah, either way they'd be ready for about 5.30pm which is their dinner time so, perfect!
All of the preparation is done. The flour Well is standing tall, it’s now time for that hideous part where you have to pour the yeast and water in the middle without the water escaping through the flour… SURE!! If you've made pizza dough before you'll be able to picture this stage, if not look at the pics below...
The recipe didn't say how long I’d be stood there mixing this porridge like gloop. I was hoping all of the the water would somehow absorb into the flour, nope… had to keep stirring... and stirring. I felt reassured knowing Rudy would be asleep for another hour or so, so all of the hard dirty work would be finished when he woke up. But oh noooo silly me, of course, of course he wakes up, earlier than usual and he's pissed off!! I ask Dylan to grab him out of his pushchair (we were out when he fell asleep) for me whilst I stir this bloody wall paper paste. Bless Dylan, he just about manages to get Rudy out of his pushchair and he legs it straight back to me. Half of him terrified of Rudy’s screeching and the other knowing full well that it’s going to irritate Rudy more. Brotherly love! I can tell from Rudy’s cries that he’s just woken up too soon and he's got a grump on. I try not to cave too much to his sulks but by now he's stood at my feet and crying his little eyes out. I have to give him a love. Real tears break my heart! Meanwhile Dylan’s trying to hold the fort, or shall I say fork so the dough doesn't escape. Rudy’s not letting up, he wants cuddles. I try to hold him and stir…
Nope! I switch arms, nope! I try to put him on my shoulders… NOPE! FFS, all I can think about is the time and that I need to sort this dough out before it ends up all over my bloody kitchen and so that my children don't starve to death!! Slight exaggeration I know. I brave putting Rudy down but he just loses his shit. He's trying to stand between me and the kitchen cupboard. Pushing me away so hard from what I’m trying to do. He's a strong little thing, so there I am, picking him up again. I try to distract him with the mountain of flour on my worktop but he doesn't give a shit. He wants to watch Cbeebies and wants me to watch it with him. All I’m thinking now is… Bribery! A bag of crisps will chill him right out. I basically catapult him over to the sofa with a bag of good old Walkers. Yes. Sorted. Now back to my dough, oh and Dylan. This was supposed to be Mummy and Dylan time after all.
We make progress. My hands are now balls deep in the dough! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Getting right into the beginning of kneading when the door goes… I ask Dylan to go and answer it, saying that I’ll be right behind him. I've got dough all over my hands, it’s easier for him to do it. He point blank refuses. I'm stood literally 3 feet away from him covered in dough which is now being flung all over the floors and walls asking him to answer the door, all the while Lola (our dog) is trying to eat all of the dough flying around. Scrounging mutt! Patience zapped, I move so quickly to the door even I’m shocked by how fast and Dylan dives into my bedroom out of the way.
Well that was priceless. I opened the door and I must have touched my face with my hand for the courier to see the state I was in. He jumped out of his skin and simply said “Your hand Miss, are you… are you OK?” I was so tempted to have some fun with him but I couldn't be bothered and I could hear the dump truck (Rudy) coming! I try to make the whole experience easier for everyone so go to sign for the delivery but he’s already gone!
Following the dough trail back to the kitchen I find Rudy’s still moaning and has obviously chucked his crisps all over the living room floor in protest, whilst Dylan’s gone off to draw a picture of a Lizard?!
The rattling of keys at the front door couldn't have come at a better time. It’s Peteeeee and he’s brought wiiiiine.
It was all pretty hectic but somehow we finally managed to get these boys fed BY 6.30PM!!! Two and a half hours after I had started. Horrahhhh, but the boys loved them! Fed, watered and work top ruined by the fricking dough, mission accomplished.
This is probably something I won’t do for another year or so but if you do decide to make homemade pizza then please read my checklist below for some guidance…
Portia’s checklist for making fool proof home made pizza:
- Get childcare
- Get childcare
- Play loud music
- Get childcare
- Order a Basilico and pretend it’s homemade!