For those of you who aren't at Glasto...

For those of you who aren't at Glasto...

Ahhhh mannnnn, I’ve got mega fomo!! Everyones posting about being at Glastonbury whilst I’m actually for the first time feeling left out. I’ve never been a massive fan of festivals, even when I met Pete. The festivals we go to together we are literally in and out. We arrive, they play and we leave again. Last year I went to Glasto properly for the first time, except for my actual first time, I went when I was 18 and it was a total fucking horror story. Will go into that another time. Whilst we're on the subject of festivals, Pete and I thought it would be cute to take Dylan and Rudy along to Isle of Wight festival when Pete and the boys played couple of weeks ago. We were invited to stay on Luke’s (Pritchard) family run garlic farm which I jumped at the chance. That place is a little slice of heaven on the Isle of Wight. Love it there! We got offered a yurt to stay in and I again jumped at the chance! I was really keen to make a weekend of it. Camping when I was younger is one of my earliest, most fondest memories and I'm desperate to create similar memories for the boys. 

The ferry ride felt like ages, maybe because Rudy kept trying to launch himself into the sea at every given moment. Try explaining to a two year old why they cant go in for a ‘little dip’… Totally fearless that boy and it’s terrifying. If he wasn't doing that I’d find him laying on the floor snoring and pretending to be asleep so I wouldn't move him or I’d find him face planting the floor and licking the malted hair from what I presume a Golden Retriever from the previous passengers. Onlookers seemed to really enjoy this. They liked to watch Rudy but seemed to be more amused by me trying to wrestle with a gigantic two year old who is basically the same size as Dylan and of course I was going to keep trying to move him, he was on the bloody floor… EW! I picked him up about 4 times in total and he was loving all of the attention so in the end I gave up and had to bribe him with your majesty… Peppa Pig and a dummy. It worked! Thank fuck! We make it over to the island after getting a free facelift from the wind out on the deck, a totally wiped out toddler (horray) and a completely fucked blow dry but hey.

We dropped all of the bags off at the farm and when I say all of the bags I'm talking 2 massive suitcases, 3 rucksacks, 4 holdalls oh and the pushchair all for 4 days. The yurt was basically filled to the rim. The plan was to drop everything and quickly drag the boys to the supermarket to buy some essentials for the time we were on the island. There was a bbq and Pete was keen to try it out for dins that eve. The weather forecast was threatening rain and strong winds but we’re British and that’s what we brits do… Light fires, cook meat, get wet, get ill and do it all over again the next day! They don’t call it the great British summer for nothing!

A painful food shop done (strops for sweets, toys, toothbrushes etc) and we got back at our little home for the next 3 nights! It was pouring down with rain. The sides of the yurt sounded like they were being torn apart, the rain sounded like loads of little tiny stones being launched at us but Pete was still adamant he was going to do a bbq. He also had a couple of beers so I think those were giving him the desire to continue all at the same time he kept reminding me how much he loves nice hotels with big cosy beds and room service. 

(To summarise, Rudy passed out after I made him and Dylan a pizza so I managed to get him to bed on time which meant that we actually had a lovely evening with Dylan on his own, we were however being watched by a massive grey cloud the whole time. It had started to drizzle so my naturally curly hair was in heaven as it started to ping out in all kinds of directions making me look like Sideshow Bob. Perfect. We ate everything and tidied away in record time. Not the vibe we wanted but I was fed and thats the main thing. No, seriously anyone who knows me knows a hangry Portia is to be avoided.

Whilst Rudy slept the 3 of us proceed to have what became a 20 min bbq before the heavens opened forcing us inside for bedtime tea and Line of Duty (minus dylan), it could have been worse… COSY AF!

A couple of days later it was the festival but we weren't heading down till late afternoon. I wanted to get as much energy zapped out of Dylan and Rudy before they were confined to the luxury of the backstage amenities, which usually consists of a dressing room, sofa with some rather questionable stains and enough booze to kill a herd of Bison within minutes. Seriously though, not a lot going on for a couple of kids but on this occasion provisions had been made for the boys arrival in the shape of Haribo, Smarties, Chocolate, Maoam, crisps etc etc and I was greeted with amuch needed glass of bubbles. Necked mine and then continued to neck Pete’s as he was driving, poor fucker! So after 20 mins or so in the dressing room all girlfriends and kids leave the boys to get ready. I didn't really want to leave the safety of the dressing room. Everyone there knows Dylan and Rudy and if they have a slight ‘moment’ with their vibe it’s all ok. Going into an area which I’m used to doing without children or at least with Pete by my side is fine but when it’s just me with the Dylan and Rudy I find it pretty daunting. I give Dylan the pep talk. He knows. Rudy however, I’m worried. LOL!

We arrive at the “VVIP” and we’re all made to feel very welcome but I’m feeling quite conscious of the fact the there are only 3 kids there and 2 of them are mine! I want this to go smoothly. I’ll admit I did find it hard to adjust to the surroundings. There are lots of people I know there but it’s not really child friendly. Obvs my children spot a parked up Vespa and are desperate to climb all over it. I tried my hardest to distract them with food, drinks but no they wanna get on the frickin’ Vespa! I was told it was ok by a number of people. I kept Rudy well away and Dylan jumped on. There I was, Rudy chilled in one arm (thankfully) and the other clutching onto the bike so it didn’t bloody fall over whilst I was being fed a Whiskey cocktail. Dylan was touching the mirrors, holding the handles, pretending to go really fast when then the owner came over to me to say that the bike wasn’t for sitting on but he’d allow Dylan to have a controlled play. Hmmm… Ok… Warning one… He came and said around about the same thing again a couple more times when in the end I just asked Dylan to get off to avoid an fallout / bike falling over.

I kept seeing Pete floating around, having pics taken for various interviews etc. It was torture. He’s my safety net and we couldn't be together. 

Before I knew it it was time to head to side of stage to watch the boys play. HORRAY!! Children’s ear defenders went on and we make our way to where we need to be but obviously told by the security top go in all sorts of different directions. Think Ab Fab but the carny version. That was us! We eventually get to where we need to be, watched the boys and had a dance with the babies. 

The show finished and we headed back to the dressing rooms. Rudy had done a massive number 2. Perfect. I found one of the boys dressing rooms was empty so turned it into a children's creché/changing room/toilet. Anyone who knows, babies/toddlers/children’s shit… Fatal!

Eventually Dylan and Rudy decided for us when it was time to go. It was literally 45 mins after the boys had played much to Pete’s joy. I looked at Pete with that face and I could see him screaming inside but he then delivered a smile, the kind that makes your cheeks and jaw ache and doesn't meet the eye! He loaded up the car with all the crap that children seem to need but never use and head back to the yurt via Pizza Hut. To be honest, staying and partying would have been so appealing for us IF we had childcare but we didn’t so back to the yurt it was. We managed to fit a 6 hour party into 90 mins with Scrabble, Strongbow and eventually … SOME SLEEP!!!

 

Portia x

 

Carny Ab Fab crew / WAGS & Kids 

Carny Ab Fab crew / WAGS & Kids 

The minute I had 10mins without Dylan and Rudy. Found a model of a Cow and climbed on top of it! 

The minute I had 10mins without Dylan and Rudy. Found a model of a Cow and climbed on top of it! 

My babies being little gorge's! 

My babies being little gorge's! 

Dylan and I trying our hardest to stop Rudy catapulting himself into the sea! 

Dylan and I trying our hardest to stop Rudy catapulting himself into the sea! 

Say cheeeeese, even though there's intense wind and rain vibes. 

Say cheeeeese, even though there's intense wind and rain vibes. 

When the heavens opened after our bbq!

When the heavens opened after our bbq!

Advantage, Portia

Advantage, Portia

Hand, Foot and what Disease?!

Hand, Foot and what Disease?!